If You're Struggling, Please Hang On

I don't know who needs to hear this today, but those last two words got me through the worst times of my life -- and finally helped me to let go.

Click the PLAY button to listen to an audio version of this piece, recorded with my scratchy, post-virus voice (sorry):

A few months ago, after I found myself crying behind the wheel of my car while waiting for a train to pass through a railroad crossing, I got home, tapped out a thank you email, and sent it to the band Guster.

Their 2006 song Hang On had been streaming through my car’s speakers as the train whizzed by, prompting a flood of memories — countless moments when I literally felt all hope was lost.

June 12, 2022

Dear Guster,

You don't know me, but I'm a 54-year-old mother of three from the suburbs of Chicago who found herself weeping in her car today listening to Hang On. It's the second time that's happened. 

Your song has captured my heart and left me feeling seen and understood. It's filled me with a kind of peace that I've so rarely felt these last five years.

I'm writing to ask if I might share the full lyrics to Hang On (crediting you, of course) in a piece I'm writing about hanging on during tough times, something I'm super familiar with...

Some of my toughest times have included

• riding an Amtrak that collided with a propane truck.
• witnessing the end of my marriage.
• hitting a period of depression so deep I thought I’d never find my way out.
• watching Trump get elected.
• learning that one of my sisters had suddenly died.

Many of us can probably create mile-long lists of the painful, hopeless moments we’ve faced. And many of us recognize that no one’s immune to periods of struggle, pain, or significant distress.

So, why is it that we go on?
Why do we even bother?
If we know there’ll always be another challenge or heartache down the road, what’s the point of pushing forward?

I believe we go on because it’s worth waiting for the beauty and grace that eventually comes — and I speak from firsthand knowledge. As I sat in my car that day, watching that train whiz by, I realized that I’m literally living in that beauty and grace right now.

For instance…

• Years later, after I survived that Amtrak crash, I worked through my trauma with an incredible therapist and found healing in a community with other survivors and family members of the injured and deceased.

• After my marriage ended, I was inspired to finally learn how to love and accept myself, and to find deeper, more satisfying relationships than I’ve ever known. I also surprised myself to learn how strong and independent I am — far more than I ever gave myself credit.

• I worked hard to pull myself out of my depression and eventually wrote about the journey. By doing so, I’ve heard from many people who’ve turned to my words for comfort and inspiration.

• Trump was impeached. Twice. Enough said.

• After my sister passed away, I learned how to grieve and honor her legacy. I also learned how to navigate the unspeakable agony of loss and how to be vulnerable and ask for help. And, I learned the importance of putting those emotions onto the page. The most incredible and unexpected thing is that I recently discovered another sister I never knew existed, and I’m now building a relationship with her from scratch.

After so much heartache, I ended up growing, learning, discovering, and surviving.

When circumstances are truly bleak, it’s so damn hard to believe things will ever get better — and yet I believe it’s critical that, as painful as things are, we keep going. By doing so, we’re eventually able to let go of so much of our raw pain.

When you read the lyrics in Guster’s song Hang On, you’ll understand:

Hang On
by Guster

Here we are inside a novel
Waiting for an end
We don't know the authors of the book
Maybe someone's writing chapters
For us while we sleep
From a million miles away

Stuck without a captain or a chart
No one seems to know just who to follow anymore
Hang on
Hang on
There's a twilight
A nighttime and a dawn
Who knows
How long
So hang on
Hang on

If we fell inside a forest
Would it make a sound
It doesn't seem there's anyone around
Days are long we carry on
But still don't understand
We're a million miles away

Stuck without a captain or a chart
No one seems to know just who to follow anymore
Hang on
Hang on
There's a twilight
A nighttime and a dawn
Who knows
How long
So hang on
Hang on

Hang on
Hang on
When all is shattered
When all your hope is gone
Who knows
How long
There is a twilight
A nighttime and a dawn

We break
We bend
With hand in hand
When hope is gone
Just hang on
Hang on

Songwriters: Adam Gardner / Brian Rosenworcel / Joseph Pisapia / Ryan Miller
Hang On lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
Lyrics shared with permission

Though I’d heard this song many times through the years, I only truly paid attention to the lyrics when someone sang the song TO me.

Never in my life had I been sung to, and the words delivered inspiration that I desperately needed.

That experience, powerful and clarifying, became a lasting memory, reminding me every day that the “lists” we keep mustn’t be limited to our tough times.

To be sure, we can’t always know how things will play out, but if we allow ourselves to trust that they’ll eventually right themselves, then I think we’re living our best lives despite sometimes managing the absolute worst of circumstances.

Honestly, the hardest part might be learning to move past our exhausting and ineffective black-or-white thinking, in which we tell ourselves we can only live with EITHER struggle OR hope — but not both.

My advice is to step away from that nasty tug of war.

Once you accept that struggle and hope can co-exist, you’re golden. This was the game-changer for me.

And so, please hang in there.

It’s definitely not easy, nor is it always clear how long it’ll take to reach a time of beauty and grace.

Nevertheless, I’m confident you’ll get there. And, once you do, I hope you’ll consider sharing your journey with others. I’m deeply grateful to share mine.

Take good care of yourself, and as always, feel free to reach out in the comments.
I gratefully read each and every one.

Sincerely,

Christine

P.S. A HUGE shout out to Guster’s team for reading my weepy email and allowing me to share their lyrics in this newsletter.