News of the Toronto Plane Crash Triggered My PTSD. Here's How I'm Managing the Emotions.

On February 17, 2025, a Delta flight crash landed at Canada’s Toronto Pearson International Airport. Seeing the footage triggered memories from an Amtrak collision I survived 32 years ago.

On February 17, 2025, a Delta flight crash landed at Canada’s Toronto Pearson International Airport.

Watching the initial footage from (and interviews like the one above with) survivors, I cannot help but think back to the Amtrak collision I survived 32 years ago — and how, in many ways, the circumstances are similar.

Both crashes happened on snowy, icy, blustery days.
Both crashes resulted in fireballs and passengers fleeing from the wreckage.

And just like yesterday’s plane crash, everyone on the Amtrak train made it off alive — at least initially.

In our Amtrak collision, the driver of the propane truck that hit us was killed.
In the Delta crash, there are reportedly some critical injuries.

Soon after the plane crashed yesterday, as I saw news footage of airplane doors bursting open and passengers fleeing the smoky chaos inside, my mind flew right back to March 10, 1993, when I was in a very similar situation.

—I’d seen a fireball burst through the train car I was in (as well as flames all around us)
—I was desperate to find a way out of that tight, narrow space
—I heard screams and panic everywhere
—Once I escaped, I smelled of smoke from the explosion, and of propane from the truck that ran into us.

When catastrophe hits, we go into survival mode.

When our nervous systems are dysregulated, our bodies and minds go into overdrive, taking care of us until we’re able to come back “online” again.

But how do we eventually move through and beyond survival mode — and back into thriving mode?

Here’s how I break out of feeling triggered and overwhelmed:

1. Accept that what happened is real

After trauma, we often feel numb — and stay that way. We feel like we’re walking through a maze, or under water. The first step toward healing is acknowledging what happened — and finding safe people with whom to talk through and process the feelings and events.

After my accident, I didn’t even realize I’d been through a traumatic event. I knew we’d hit a truck and that I wasn’t bleeding or burned like other people. I didn’t recognize trauma for what it was.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA):
Trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, crime, natural disaster, physical or emotional abuse, neglect, experiencing or witnessing violence, death of a loved one, war, and more. Immediately after the event, shock and denial are typical. Longer term reactions include unpredictable emotions, flashbacks, strained relationships, and even physical symptoms like headaches or nausea.

While these feelings are normal, some people have difficulty moving on with their lives. Psychologists can help them find constructive ways of managing their emotions.

I didn’t understand that I needed to talk about what I’d lived through. I told myself to be grateful for having survived (which I was), but for years, I didn’t process the events. I tried to push the intrusive thoughts away and to focus on moving forward. The problem was, I couldn’t do that until I’d worked through what had happened.

Here’s how the APA describes processing trauma:

Therapists use techniques like:

• Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR): Uses bilateral stimulation to process traumatic memories

• Cognitive processing therapy: Helps clients process thoughts and emotions

• Exposure therapy: Gradually approaches trauma-related memories, feelings, and situations to reduce fear and anxiety

• Narrative exposure therapy: Often used with people who have experienced complex or multiple trauma

• Self-care: Prioritizing self-care can help manage the stressful effects of trauma

• Support: Spending time with loved ones and not avoiding them can be healing

Signs of healing from trauma include:

• Feeling more comfortable knowing what to say and do

• Finding it easier to establish and maintain boundaries

• Being able to say "no" firmly and gracefully

I’m fortunate to have benefited from all the modalities above — and I write about those experiences with regularity.

2. Show yourself some self-compassion

Give yourself a break. Talk to yourself kindly. Let yourself feel vulnerable with others (let them take the helm for you). Try to catch yourself if your thoughts turn toward the negative. Instead of saying, “I should have gone back and helped someone instead of running out the door in fear,” or “Why didn’t I book a different flight?” or “Why do I think about this non-stop,” cut yourself some major slack. You’ve just been through a harrowing experience. Let the thoughts arise without judgment or self-attack. Your brain is trying to come back online and make sense of something that doesn’t make sense. Offer yourself kindness with every thought.

3. Take care of yourself

This looks like nourishing your physical and mental wellbeing. If yoga and meditation aren’t your thing, consider getting out in the fresh air or doing a cold plunge or having a sauna or giving yourself a facial. Try to eat healthy (more fruits and vegetables and less sugar). Of course you’ll crave comforts (like curling up, sleeping in, and bingeing on junk). When you do, be kind and understanding, and keep trying to add in some nourishment. Baby steps.

4. Welcome small bits of structure

After catastrophe, your sense of order and calm are tested (if not temporarily destroyed), so it’s essential to offload the decision fatigue that accompanies survival mode. But how to add structure? Start by building in little routines, like brushing your teeth, reminding yourself to eat, making your bed, taking a walk, calling a friend to just say, “I’m checking in.” By adding little bits of structure, you relieve your overloaded brain from making some decisions…which aids its ability to heal and come back online.

5. Celebrate small victories

Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Did you get some laundry done? That deserves celebration. Did you write one thing in a gratitude journal or get through a full paragraph in a book? GOLD STAR. Don’t compare your productivity with that of others who haven’t been through catastrophe. Focus on the accomplishments of your days — not your shortcomings.

6. Trim down the triggers

Identify things in your life that might trigger stress and then try to limit your exposure to them. Does social media take you down a rabbit hole of envy and negative self-talk? Take a break. Does going near a certain place send your heart racing? Steer clear for now. Does talking about the event make you feel sick? Try to distract yourself with some non-stressful activities for now. Set the boundaries you need to feel safe…and articulate these boundaries to loved ones.

7. Reach out to loved ones

I love the phrase, “It’s okay not to be okay.” We can only wear a “game face” for so long before the cracks begin to show and our pain leaks out sideways. Our deep, overwhelming feelings often keep us isolated, embarrassed, and ashamed, but remember this: There is no shame in saying, “I’m not feeling like myself. I don’t know what I need right now. I just know I’m hurting.”

8. Consider professional help

I speak from experience when I say that navigating the aftermath of trauma alone can be a long, exhausting, winding, unhealthy, frustrating road. Reaching out to trained professionals — particularly those who are trauma-informed — is an act of courage. There are therapists, counselors, help-lines, apps, treatment centers, and even therapeutic writing programs designed to help you process and move through the minefield that is post-traumatic stress. If you’re not comfortable seeking professional help for yourself, consider doing it for your loved ones — especially if they tell you that you don’t seem like “yourself” or if they tell you they’re worried about you. Sometimes we’re so close to our pain (or we guard it so unconsciously) that we lose perspective (and even ourselves). Let a trauma-informed professional help to guide you through this period.

How Do I Avoid Retraumatizing Myself?

I often hear my writing clients ask how they can avoid retraumatizing themselves when revisiting upsetting events. What I tell them is this:

What happened happened. This will not change. But when we avoid dealing with the reality (and avoid processing the feelings about what happened), the memories take on even more power, leaving us feeling helpless. Therefore, remember that…

…it’s a courageous step to actively walk toward terrible memories and face them.

…it’s an act of strength and power to conjure up tough memories and reflect on them from a survivor’s point-of-view.

…we gain a greater sense of agency when we allow ourselves to contemplate the meaning that comes from surviving.

Now, everyone feels “ready” at different times, so we owe it to ourselves to check in and ask if we’re pushing ourselves in unhealthy ways. Still, I try to be realistic about processing: It’s never going to feel easy or enjoyable; it’s never going to be a pleasant experience. When I remind myself of this going in, I’m a bit more prepared to handle the discomfort of sitting with hard feelings.

A quick bow to all my memoir-writing friends. You, of all people on earth, know that when we dive back into our past and excavate memories and experiences, we’re bound to run into the sharp edges and sinkholes that show up during the authentic human experience. The reason why I love working with memoirists SO MUCH is that they come ready to do the work…to sit with the shards and the shrapnel and to shape those painful bits into glistening gems of meaning.

After my train accident, I didn’t open up about or write about my experience for decades. I didn’t know who to turn to. I didn’t even know I’d experienced trauma. And, I didn’t think my circumstances warranted a deeper dive into my feelings. I’d survived, right? Buck up, Buttercup. The problem was, I unknowingly burned myself out keeping those unprocessed feelings inside. So often, I chided myself for my intrusive thoughts, for “dwelling,” for being “fixated” on the train crash.

Only when I began to write about my experience did I find the language I needed to share with a trauma therapist. For me, finding the words was my first step toward healing.

We’re all different, though, so again — no comparisons. If writing isn’t your thing, try sketching…or coloring…or doing puzzles…or knitting…or taking a bath…or watching TV…or exercising…or cooking.

Doing SOMETHING helps you feel less powerless after trauma.
Doing SOMETHING (as long as it’s not too taxing) gives your brain a much needed rest.

When your brain is rested, you’re more likely to stop ruminating
and more capable of reframing difficult events.

My advice for a trauma survivor is to check the list below every day. Be tender with yourself as you try to do one thing each day that takes care of your heart:

1. Accept that what happened is real

2. Show yourself loads of self-compassion

3. Take care of yourself

4. Welcome small bits of structure

5. Celebrate the small victories

6. Trim down triggers

7. Reach out to loved ones

8. Consider professional help

Final Thoughts

After surviving that Amtrak crash 32 years ago, one might think, “My God, she’s still talking about it?” or “Let it go, lady!” or “Comparing that train accident to a modern-day aviation disaster is like comparing apples to oranges…”

To this, I say, “Thanks for the input, and now, move along.”

The thing is, I now understand — and appreciate — that I will always carry the ripple effects of my traumatic event.

And, I’ve come to terms with the reality that my senses will likely tweak when I hear a train horn… or catch a whiff of propane… or hear about a transportation disaster in which passengers in long, narrow metal structures become trapped and scared.

But that’s not rumination. That’s my brain’s natural, protective response after a traumatic event.

According to many experts, rumination is a cognitive process in which a person repeatedly dwells on negative thoughts, experiences, or emotions — focusing on the same thoughts over and over again, without finding solutions or moving on.

I’ve moved on from my trauma and I teach tools that help people move on from theirs. By writing about my accident and referring to it in my courses and workshops, I constantly learn new things about myself, about my readers and students, and about the crash itself.

My trauma will always be a part of me, but it no longer controls me. I’m no longer afraid to talk about it.

And, whenever I find myself triggered or pulled back into a feeling of helplessness, I just turn to that list above and get myself back on track.

Photo by Justin Brackett on Unsplash

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Your Turn

How have you processed trauma? What worked? What hasn’t been helpful?

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Christine Wolf is a memoir coach and founder of Writers’ Haven, a co-working space for writers. A former board member of the Chicago chapter of the Society of Professional Journalists, Wolf’s writing has been awarded for excellence by the Chicago Tribune’s ChicagoNow, the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and The Moth. Wolf is a writing instructor at Northwestern University and runs Write to Heal Workshops and Retreats. A former freelance columnist with the Chicago Sun-Times and Chicago Tribune, she’s the co-author of Politics, Partnerships, & Power: The Lives of Ralph E. and Marguerite Stitt Church. Get in touch with Christine at www.christinewolf.com/contact