Second Chance Series: 6/29
Day 1: We’ll Always Have To Start Somewhere
Welcome to The Second Chances Series, my 23-day writing experiment capturing the joy, mess, beauty, and meaning of my midlife wedding.
I recently got remarried at 57…
…to a widower….
…on a dangerously hot Midwestern summer day…
…surrounded by our seven grown kids and more second-chance energy than I could’ve imagined.
Every day from June 29 to July 21, I’ll post one unfiltered reflection based on moments and photos from our wedding day. I’m doing this to capture all the memories while they’re still fresh in my mind, and to reflect on all that I’m learning about love, grief, joy, and reinvention. And, you’re invited, as always, to share your own reflections on the day’s theme.
This series will also provide a behind-the-scenes look at how I think about and draft material for my upcoming book, co-edited with my husband, Eric, called We Began Again: Collected Essays on Second Chances.
Some portions of these wedding reflection posts will be free. Most will live behind the paywall to support this work. Thank you for being here.
SCHEDULE OF POSTS
6/29: We’ll Always Have To Start Somewhere
6/30: Beginning Again After Loss
7/1: Starting Over After Heartache
7/2: Fear of Reinjury
7/3: Courage to Start Anew
7/4: When Others’ Renewal Timelines Are Unlike Our Own
7/5: Looking More Forward Than Backward
7/6: The Importance of Acknowledging Loss
7/7: The Surprises of Starting Over
7/8: The Beauty of Beginning Again
7/9: Losing Black & White Thinking While Starting Over
7/10: The Magic of Embracing Stillness When Making a Comeback
7/11: Permission to Be Imperfect When Starting Anew
7/12: How a Community Grows When We Begin Again
7/13: Shock, Surprise, and the Hidden Impact of Starting Over
7/14: Hanging On When All Is Shattered, When All Your Hope Is Gone
7/15: Dealing With Disarray and Disharmony When Starting Over
7/16: Discomfort When Others Aren’t Ready to Begin Again
7/17: Allowing for New Dreams to Come True
7/18: Welcoming Unexpected Joy
7/19: Redefining Success the Second Time Around
7/20: Forgiving Yourself for the First Try
7/21: Final Reflection: Why We Begin Again
Day 1, June 29
We’ll Always Have To Start Somewhere
Today’s Reflection
When I see this photo, taken 11 years ago, I don’t see myself. Instead, I see a woman who has no idea her life is quietly unraveling.
In that photo, I see a woman who lives in the 1%, who doesn’t have to think twice about healthcare coverage or adherence to “regular business hours.” Her concerns include the safety of her teens and tweens, her two homes, and her fledgling career as a full-time writer. Yes, she’s had significant trauma in her past, but she hasn’t even begun to deal with it. Even worse, though, is that she has no idea her life is headed toward an explosive year, filled with loved ones’ illnesses, with her own unforeseen divorce and subsequent emotional breakdown, and with the sudden death of her younger sister.
For me, 2014 was the year before everything went to shit. It was the year before my eyes snapped wide open and I began the journey of learning what I was ACTUALLY made of.
Up until 2014, I lived in response to everything around me. I operated in “reaction mode,” rather than as a guide of my own existence. While I felt grateful that others loved me, I didn’t yet know how to love myself, or how to set boundaries, or how to voice my needs, or how to advocate for myself. Instead, I bounced from activity to activity, person to person, moment to moment, always without an anchor.
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Your Turn
Have you ever operated from a state of reactivity rather than a state of grounding? When? What has that felt like? What’s the OPPOSITE of that feeling? How does one move from a reactive state to one that’s more intentional? How have you navigated this territory? With the notion of self-forgiveness always in mind, I invite paid subscribers to share their own true stories of beginning again.
A Deeper Dive Into What I Learned About Second Chances:
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