Second Chance Series: 7/4
Day 6: When Others’ Renewal Timelines Are Unlike Our Own
Welcome to The Second Chances Series, my 23-day writing experiment capturing the joy, mess, beauty, and meaning of my midlife wedding.
I recently got remarried at 57…
…to a widower….
…on a dangerously hot Midwestern summer day…
…surrounded by our seven grown kids and more second-chance energy than I could’ve imagined.
Every day from June 29 to July 21, I’ll post one unfiltered reflection based on moments and photos from our wedding day. I’m doing this to capture all the memories while they’re still fresh in my mind, and to reflect on all that I’m learning about love, grief, joy, and reinvention. And, you’re invited, as always, to share your own reflections on the day’s theme.
This series will also provide a behind-the-scenes look at how I think about and draft material for my upcoming book, co-edited with my husband, Eric, called We Began Again: Collected Essays on Second Chances.
Some portions of these wedding reflection posts will be free. Most will live behind the paywall to support this work. Thank you for being here.
SCHEDULE OF POSTS
6/29: We’ll Always Have To Start Somewhere
6/30: Beginning Again After Loss
7/1: Starting Over After Heartache
7/2: Fear of Reinjury
7/3: Courage to Start Anew
7/4: When Others’ Renewal Timelines Are Unlike Our Own
7/5: Looking More Forward Than Backward
7/6: The Importance of Acknowledging Loss
7/7: The Surprises of Starting Over
7/8: The Beauty of Beginning Again
7/9: Losing Black & White Thinking While Starting Over
7/10: The Magic of Embracing Stillness When Making a Comeback
7/11: Permission to Be Imperfect When Starting Anew
7/12: How a Community Grows When We Begin Again
7/13: Shock, Surprise, and the Hidden Impact of Starting Over
7/14: Hanging On When All Is Shattered, When All Your Hope Is Gone
7/15: Dealing With Disarray and Disharmony When Starting Over
7/16: Discomfort When Others Aren’t Ready to Begin Again
7/17: Allowing for New Dreams to Come True
7/18: Welcoming Unexpected Joy
7/19: Redefining Success the Second Time Around
7/20: Forgiving Yourself for the First Try
7/21: Final Reflection: Why We Begin Again
Day 6, July 4
When Others’ Renewal Timelines Are Unlike Our Own
Today’s Reflection
When I first started dating Eric, he encouraged me to learn about the lives of widowers.
At the time, I remember wondering, Why doesn’t he just tell me?
Before Eric, I’d gone on a few dates with other widowers who’d also lost their wives to cancer, but I’d never met their children or extended families. Looking back, I realize Eric was gently preparing me for the complicated road ahead.
We began dating while my divorce was still being finalized. In fact, on the day the judge signed the final papers, I—like Eric—had been married for 26 years.
When we talked about the future, the conversation often centered on our children. The eldest of Eric’s four is ten years older than the youngest of my three. We were both committed to taking things slowly, especially with his kids. Mine still had two living parents, but his kids had lost their beloved mother. The last thing I wanted was to “step in” or make anyone uncomfortable.
So, I approached with sensitivity. I made a conscious effort to learn how widowhood affects not only a partner, but also—and especially—children. When I first met Eric’s kids, they were in high school or older, and they greeted me with kindness and warmth.
Eric and I had no set timeline for our relationship. We lived an hour apart, each managing busy, full lives. We connected whenever possible, balancing single-parent responsibilities while getting to know each other with curiosity and care.
That’s not to say it was all easy. Especially around holidays or big life events, I sometimes found myself wondering where we were headed as a couple. Once the shock of my divorce had settled, I knew I wanted to build something lasting again. As someone who processes feelings out loud, I’d occasionally ask, Where are we going here?
Thankfully, Eric is both communicative and emotionally intelligent. Our conversation, kind of like little relationship “check-ins, ”always brought us closer and reassured me that we were aligned in our intentions.
Still, it became clear that not everyone shared our outlook.
What I’ve come to understand is that Eric found it in his heart to open up and make room for new love. We both know we’re imperfect, and we accept that. But by committing to each other, Eric chose a future that looked different than the one he’d imagined—and I recognize that, for some in his life, my presence has been a painful reminder of what was lost. In me, Eric gained a new partner and (eventually) a new wife. His kids didn’t get their mom back. His late wife’s friends did not get their beloved friend back.
As a trauma-informed memoir coach—and someone who processes externally and attends weekly therapy—I’ve spent a lot of time examining my own role in this new chapter. I’ve often asked myself: What might my presence bring up for the people in Eric’s world who may still be grieving?
While I know I can’t control others’ emotions, I’ve still longed to be accepted as I am. And in many cases, I have been. But not always.
Some people have kept their distance. Others seemed open and warm at first, only to retreat over time. When that happened with one person I’d grown close to, it felt devastating. We’d shared meaningful conversations, laughter, and what felt like mutual trust. But, as life moved forward, the dynamic shifted. I felt shut out, left wondering what I’d missed or misunderstood. The silence, the withdrawal, and the unspoken tension led me down rabbit holes of self-doubt and over-analysis.
I now understand that grief doesn’t always make room for new beginnings. And not everyone processes their pain in visible or verbal ways. Some avoid. Some lash out. Some simply disappear.
I’ve tried to stay open. To extend grace. To make efforts to repair what felt strained. But I’ve also had to learn one of the hardest truths about second chances: not everyone is willing—or able—to meet you there.
In one especially painful instance, someone RSVP’d “yes” to our wedding—then backed out, citing stress. Whether that stress was about our union or something else, I’ll never know. Ambiguity has become a strange companion in this new life. In the spirit of Taylor Swift: their emotional weather is not my responsibility.
I didn’t expect everyone to come with us into this new chapter. But I had hoped.
Still, I’ve learned that healing sometimes means releasing what you wish could be—and honoring what actually is.
What I Learned About Second Chances
Second chances ask a lot of us. They ask us to hold joy and grief at the same time, to trust love again, even when the past still echoes, and to move forward even when not everyone walks beside us.
For me, part of beginning again meant making peace with ambiguity—releasing the need for resolution where none was offered, and finding strength in the spaces where I once felt small. I’ve learned that clarity doesn’t always come from others. Sometimes, it comes from deciding who you are and how you want to live, no matter who understands or approves.
How These Reflections Might Fit in Our Forthcoming Book
My hope is to show not only the joys of second chances, but also the complicated aspects — and the many ways we can navigate those struggles.
Your Turn
If you’ve ever had to navigate a second chance on a different timeline than someone else—for instance, if you’ve moved forward while others stayed back, or had to find closure alone—I invite you to share your story with us.
We Began Again is a celebration of resilience, reinvention, and the often messy truth of starting over. Your experience matters. And your voice might be exactly what someone else needs to hear.
Christine Wolf is a memoir coach, developmental editor, and author of Politics, Partnerships, & Power. She teaches workshops in Expressive Writing for Emotional Healing at Northwestern University and is the founder and principal of Writers’ Haven Evanston, a workspace for writers near Chicago. christinewolf.com
Eric Ronne is the founder and principal of Lumen Design (no, not “that” LUMON), specializing in web3 branding, web design, event design, custom illustration, and more.
They met on a dating site.
Call for Submissions
We’re collecting 750-word essays for We Began Again: Collected Essays on Second Chances through 11:59pm Central time on July 21, 2025.
We Began Again:
Collected Essays on Second Chances
Edited by Christine Wolf & Eric Ronne
We’re thrilled to officially announce our very first collaborative book project as co-editors (and newlyweds)!
This collection will feature personal essays from writers around the world—true stories of transformation, resilience, and hope when life took an unexpected turn — by writers who chose to begin again.
As a real-life second-chance couple, we’re so excited to begin our new chapter as wife and husband (see what I did there?). We invite you to share in our joy by sharing your story (or stories!) of reinvention.
Submission Window
Opens: June 21, 2025 at 9:00am CST (our wedding day!)
Closes: July 21, 2025 at 11:59pm CST
✍️ What We’re Looking For
We’re accepting personal essays (up to 750 words) on how a second chance impacted your life. A few examples:
A second chance at love after heartbreak or loss
A career pivot or unexpected professional reinvention
Starting over in a new place—a town, a country, or even just a new mindset
Returning to sobriety, or beginning a journey of recovery
Rebuilding trust with a friend, partner, or family member
Reinventing yourself after failure, burnout, illness, grief, or regret
Or any other moment where life gave you another shot, and you took it
If you’ve ever had to rebuild, reimagine, or begin again, we want to hear your story.
3 Top Tips for Success
Jump right into the action.
Don’t give us a ton of backstory. Instead, consider starting with the problem you faced and what the stakes were.
Embrace vulnerability.
Make sure readers understand what your struggle was. Let us sit with the discomfort of the unknown before telling us how you “solved” or “fixed” things. Bring us into your feelings of shock, indecision, pain, loss, or overwhelm.Tell us more than just what happened: Go deep and describe how the events made you FEEL.
Submission Fee: $10 per essay (but FREE to paid subscribers of this newsletter)
FAQs
1. Will contributors be paid?
Not financially, but here’s what you will receive:
A digital copy of the finished book
A chance to have your writing featured and promoted in a one-of-a-kind collection launched during a real-life love story
Interviews with us once the book’s published
Our deepest gratitude for helping us build something meaningful, lasting, and real
2. Can I submit more than one essay?
Yes!
3. Can I submit previously published work?
Yes, as long as you have the rights to the content.
4. Will I retain the rights to the work I submit?
Yes!
5. Can I publish under a pen name?
Yes!
6. Are you looking for uplifting stories? Vulnerable stories? Unresolved stories?
Yes. Yes. And yes.
7. How do I submit?
Paid subscribers, click here to submit your essay(s) FREE!
Use Discount Code SECONDCHANCE
Questions?
Drop your questions in the comments. We’re happy to clarify anything.
Know Someone With A Good Second Chance Story?
Please share this post with them and encourage them to submit an essay!
We can’t wait to read your second chance stories—big or small, joyful or complicated, typical or miraculous. They all matter.
With love and excitement,
Christine & Eric