Today I Begin Writing My Memoir

I'm doing this. I'm actually doing this.

It’s early January, 2022, and I, like many of you, have COVID-19. I’m sitting on my couch with greasy hair, wearing the same sweats I’ve been in for 3 days now, longing for human connection and an end to this madness.

It’s also the day I begin writing my memoir — something I first decided I wanted to do 13 years ago, in 2008.

At that time, I didn’t know what the heck I was doing. I was a 40-year-old, happy-but-burned-out preschool teacher with an insatiable urge to write. Prior to that, I’d worked in Corporate America, and it was there I made lifelong friends who more than made up for all the soul-sucking hours and emptiness of our work. Those friends, and many others, encouraged me to follow my dream to write.

And so, as I got underway, I tried to find my voice, first by writing blogs and a children’s book. Each time I considered starting my memoir, I’d tell myself I wasn’t yet ready or worthy or established enough to begin. I attended conferences and workshops. I wrote my heart out and read as much as I could. Be patient, I kept telling myself. You’ll start your memoir when you feel ready. And yet, I never did.

To be sure, in those early days of my writing life, there was also a lot of stuff happening in my life, both wonderful and horrific.

As a fledgling writer, I kept wondering if and when life would finally settle down enough to document it. In so many ways, my life felt like a moving target, hard to capture in any sort of steady light. I wondered if I’d ever hit my stride and feel confident enough to dive in and write about it, especially while struggling against the constant turns and tugs of its roller-coaster-like unpredictability.

But, what I’ve finally learned is that this roller coaster does not stop. This is the ONLY life we get, and we can choose to let fear and uncertainty paralyze us — or not. What I’ve learned in these 13 years is that as a writer, I’m wired to feel deeply, to keenly observe and feel the life around me — and that not everyone else lives like this. For so long, I’ve wondered if there was something wrong with me…if I am too emotional, too dramatic, too sensitive, too not-right for this world. And what I’ve discovered is that I’m just fine as I am. I am a writer, and I simply soak it all in.

And for so long, I’ve let anxiety and fear and insecurity stand in the way of putting my authentic story on the page. I’ve been drafting and outlining and thinking about this memoir all along, but this is officially the moment I’m deciding to write it. This is the moment I declare that I’m finally ready, and that my story is worthy of sharing.

Funny that, as a writing coach, I tell my clients all the time to keep moving their valuable stories forward, to keep going when it feels hard, and to keep writing when the words don’t easily come. How funny that it’s so easy for me to guide them, to champion their work, and to celebrate every step of their journeys despite the avoidance and angst I’ve felt about my own project. It’s an honor to witness my clients’ courage and vulnerability. It’s so easy for me to offer them words of reassurance as they struggle in the mess and the muck of the writing process. And through all this work boosting my wonderful clients — many of whom have been published for the first time since we began working — I’ve learned how to be the kind of writing coach I’ve always wanted and needed.

This writing business is hard and exhausting stuff, but it’s also thrilling, rewarding, meaningful, and worthwhile. With that in mind, and to hold myself accountable, I plan to share excerpts of my memoir-in-progress with paid subscribers of this newsletter. And, I plan to include their names on a supporters’ page in the book itself.

So.

Am I scared to start?
Yes. And, I’m still doing it.

Will I have to fight constantly against perfectionism?
Yes. And, I’m still doing it.

Will I run into roadblocks and challenges and messy moments that I won’t initially see through?
Yes. And, I’m still doing it.

Might there be times I want to give up?
Absolutely. And, I’m still doing it.

As I tell my clients, the only difference between writers and authors is that authors keep going until they’re published.

Thanks so much for following what’s sure to be a roller coaster of a ride. I’m so excited — and grateful — that you’re here.

I look forward to sharing my journey with you. I hope it might inspire you and others to take your own brave steps forward, too.

Sincerely,

Christine

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Paid subscribers to this newsletter receive real-time updates on my progress, as well as the option to see their names included on a “Supporters Page” of the published book.

If you’d like a front-row seat of to my process, please consider becoming a paid subscriber. It’s just $5/month or $40/year. Why should you spend your money on a book that’s not written yet? Because your investment will help to motivate me to keep writing, especially when the work is overwhelmingly hard, emotionally exhausting, or just feeling like it’s not worth continuing.

Why not sign up and try it out? If you change your mind, you can always cancel your subscription.

See that little button here? Just click it…click it real good. And thank you.