When Our Writing Impacts Readers
What a gift when readers let us know our words have touched their lives.
This week, I received a message on Instagram from someone who’d read a piece I first posted nearly a year ago, on July 6, 2021.
The story was titled, “When Your Estranged Parent Dies, Grief is Complicated,” and it included this subtitle: “I didn’t speak to my father the last twenty years of his life. I never stopped loving him. I just chose to love myself more.”
The reader gave me permission to repost her message:
“I’m assuming you’ve had countless messages from your article about the grief of an estranged parent. I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart.
My father died this past Monday. I made the decision 5 years ago to stop speaking to him. He and his wife, mostly his wife, were very heavy alcoholics. I just had my first born, and it was too much.
Now that he’s gone, I’m stuck in this place of… I didn’t do enough to have a relationship with him and Why wasn’t I enough for him to be a parent to me?My heart hurts, and I’m unsure if it’s for the relationship I wished for or for the little girl that never got the right one.
Your article validated the emotions I’m feeling, and I’m forever grateful for your writing your feelings to paper and being so vulnerable.”
While I’m grateful whenever I hear from readers — in this case, I am deeply humbled.
In writing about my complicated grief, I’d hoped to process and make meaning of the indescribable, unfamiliar, and uncomfortable emotions that have accompanied the loss of my estranged parent.
While there are no doubt others who know this particular type of loss, I know few who’ve named the unique feelings and the specific waves of emotions I’ve experienced since I learned of my estranged parent’s death. Writing my piece was a little like taking a massive, matted pile of yarn and untangling it best I could, knowing there’d still be knots and frayed sections, but feeling a small sense of order amidst the chaos.
To be clear, sharing my feelings through writing was something I did for me. And, as I wrote, I hoped my efforts might someday resonate with others. While writing, I was able to deconstruct my circumstances, examine the life I’d shared with my father, and process some of my personal pain. To be sure, the writing was an offering to myself — a sincere and necessary act of self-care.
And so, when I heard from this lovely reader eight months after I published the piece, I was reminded once again of the enduring power of sharing our personal stories…and that they have the potential to connect, to encourage healing, and if we’re lucky, to leave a lasting impact.
I’ve been asked, “How do you know what to write about?” and “What inspires you to sit down and explore a topic?”
I often write when I can’t quite figure something out in my head (or heart), or when an issue takes up too much space inside my body, or when I feel alone, or when I want to connect, or when I’m hurting, or when I’m bursting with joy. I often write when I’m eager to share something I’ve learned, or when, like at this very moment, I’m deeply grateful.
This dear reader — who’d recently lost her own father — took the time to find me on social media and open her broken heart and let me know that she felt seen. If that’s not reason enough for me to get up every day and keep writing, I honestly don’t know what is.
My message to writers everywhere is to take the time to share your personal stories. If you’re worried that it’s too specific, too unique, too complicated, too sad, or too unrelatable — try to think about things from the readers’ point of view (POV). When we’re willing to be vulnerable, we establish trust with readers, even if our circumstances don’t perfectly align. When we’re willing to let ourselves be seen, our readers feel seen, as well.
Tonight, I thanked the reader for reaching out. I wrote:
“I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. There is such pain that comes to people in our positions that is very rarely validated or understood. You are not alone. And, I hope you can be gentle with yourself now and always about this. In doing so myself, it’s eased a lot of my questioning and uncertainty. This is hard. And, you are more than enough. Thanks again for reaching out.”
Then, I asked this reader if I might share her comments anonymously. She wrote:
“Absolutely! That’s the power of the good on the Internet, connecting for the better. Thank you again.”
Have you ever written something that touched a reader’s life? How did you learn about the impact you made? How did it make you feel?
Im deeply moved by your reader’s response. And the lesson your share here is one I’m still learning. The truth in it is the only thing that keeps me writing. Thank you for the affirmation.