These 5 Essentials Can Make Your Next Personal Essay Unforgettable

From heartbreak to humor, I trust this formula to make my pieces sing. Try it out in your own writing.

May 02, 2025

It’s been an incredibly full stretch over here — five clients’ books either out or about to launch, wedding plans in full swing, and training for my eighth Chicago Marathon (though let’s be clear: at 57, I walk it now, thank you very much).

But something happened last week that stopped me mid-coaching session.

A client presented a draft of a personal essay that was so strong, so clear, so beautifully executed, I found myself saying: This is it. This essay illustrates the magic formula. (Mel, I’m looking at YOU!)

Without even realizing it, she’d hit every essential element of a killer personal essay — the kind that stays with readers long after they’ve finished reading. I won’t share her words here since she’s preparing the piece for submission, but here's the breakdown:

1. LEARN
Teach Us Something New
Your essay should introduce something unfamiliar — a concept, an experience, a perspective. Whether it’s a niche cultural reference or a surprising observation about grief, change, politics, or parenting, the reader should come away having learned or considered something they didn’t before.

2. FEEL
Make Us Feel Something
My client included a scene where she reunited with someone after a long, heartbreaking absence, and her description elicited instant tears. To be sure, you don’t always need to aim for weepy — goosebumps, curiosity, or a jolt of recognition all count. If you feel something writing it, chances are, we’ll feel something reading it.

3. LAUGH
Don’t Forget the Funny
Even in the heaviest material, look for a glimmer of levity: a self-deprecating moment, an absurd detail, a flash of dark humor. These all act like a breath of fresh air, giving readers space to regroup and stay with you for the harder stuff. Think of it as emotional pacing — the dips make the peaks even more powerful.

4. CHANGE
After all the setup — the insight, the emotion, the humor — the ending is your chance to show what changed. Don’t fade out. Show us the shift, the growth, the earned clarity.

5. STICK THE LANDING
Now that you’ve worked hard to build a strong structure, don’t fade away! Don’t slink off and leave us! Stay with us and guide us toward a strong closing that transforms your collection of paragraphs into a memorable story we’ll carry with us.

Can the order of operations vary? ABSOLUTELY. As you draft your essay, just try to find these five pillars — and you’re likely to find meaning and resonance:

LEARN
FEEL
LAUGH
CHANGE
STICK THE LANDING

That’s it. That’s the magic.

Learn, Laugh, Feel, Change, and Stick the Landing (photos from Unsplash)

You don’t need to bare your entire soul — but if you can give readers something new to know, to feel, to laugh at, to see the full circle, and to walk away with, you’ve written something that matters — and possibly changes a life (or even the world).

WATCH THE FORMULA IN ACTION

Here’s how I used the formula in my award-winning story for The Moth (click on the “Watch on YouTube” link below). When you watch it, notice how I hit the pillars above, just in a slightly different order:

1. FEEL — I describe how I suddenly lost my younger sister, Beth, and that it left me feeling as though time had stopped

2. LEARN — I teach the audience how to speak “ANG” — the secret language Beth and I shared

3. LAUGH — I demonstrate an absurd example of “ANG” in action

4. CHANGE — I explain how, after surviving the sudden loss of one sister, I suddenly and unexpectedly discovered the older sister I never knew existed

5. STICK THE LANDING — I’ve added my “new” sister’s birthday to my calendar