Christine, I keep thinking about this post and about this problem.
I am not okay (https://findinghome.substack.com/p/i-am-not-okay?s=w). So many of us adults are not okay. We are overwhelmed and hurting. Naturally, our children are hurting too. Kids have less defenses, less emotional walls. If we are struggling to cope, how can they be expected to?
Mental illness certainly exists. I personally know three teenage girls (all whom I consider family) who are struggling with real illness.
And
I can't help feeling that more prevalent is a lack of regard for mental health. How do we nurture our children before they become overwhelmed? How do we provide them with tools to survive in the midst of so much pain and uncertainty? How do we do all this when we, ourselves, need the same kind of support?
I don't have the answers but the questions are heavy on my mind.
I share your feelings. And, while I do NOT want to come off as trite with this response, there are some things, based on my own personal experience, that I KNOW we must focus on as a society:
1. Validate those who are in pain.
2. Avoid the urge to quickly and immediately “fix” and/or eliminate others’ suffering and, instead, explore its roots with them while offering our support as they arrive at healthy solutions. This might sometimes look like setting boundaries or teaching distress tolerance or helping them learn about healthy coping skills.
I think we’ve become a knee-jerk society, focused on masking and spackling over our dysfunction and struggles. We spend too much time putting flimsy bandages on big problems, and we’re now hemorrhaging emotionally.
The world has gotten so big and this has affected all of us. There are benefits, yes, to knowing what's going on around the world - and there are also huge consequences as well to have so much information so quickly. It's overwhelming, even to adults.
I hope I don't offend anyone with this analogy but I can't help thinking of how we crate-train puppies. Puppies are so small and helpless and also curious. A puppy, even a newly adopted dog, really benefits from crate-training. Even when they whine. Without crate training, the house is too big. There's too much to explore on their own and it is overwhelming to be left in such a big space alone. This leads to big issues - anxiety that results in damage to the house but also anxiety in the pup that is difficult to reverse.
If done correctly, the dog will be happy to go to their crate when you leave, and they will sleep. And eventually return to their crate as a place of comfort and refuge sometimes even when you're home.
We are now living in a house that is too big. Our children are overwhelmed. We cannot monitor their contact with the outside world. Somehow, we need to shrink this contact, though. It's too much.
I have a niece who was profoundly impacted by 9/11, just by watching it on TV. (her mental health struggle can largely be linked back to this moment - and her struggle has been severe, including years of drugs, therapy, and even shock treatments)
Her parents ALWAYS have the news on. Of course, we don't want to shield our children from everything, it's important that they understand death and such, but we can limit their exposure. I can't help thinking my niece's parents should have been much more conscious of all that news every day, during every waking moment. Maybe as adults they could handle it (tho truth be told, her mother has suffered as well yet still won't turn it off), but children definitely can't. They are still tender and take everything in and then - there are no tools for processing what they hear and what they see.
Of course there are many things to consider in this epidemic of declining mental health in children. I just think we not considering the world-is-too-big theory enough.
Our parents struggled with world wars, yes, but not until Vietnam did we actually see photos and footage of the carnage. Now we see that same stuff regularly in social media, movies, and on TV. :(
Christine, I keep thinking about this post and about this problem.
I am not okay (https://findinghome.substack.com/p/i-am-not-okay?s=w). So many of us adults are not okay. We are overwhelmed and hurting. Naturally, our children are hurting too. Kids have less defenses, less emotional walls. If we are struggling to cope, how can they be expected to?
Mental illness certainly exists. I personally know three teenage girls (all whom I consider family) who are struggling with real illness.
And
I can't help feeling that more prevalent is a lack of regard for mental health. How do we nurture our children before they become overwhelmed? How do we provide them with tools to survive in the midst of so much pain and uncertainty? How do we do all this when we, ourselves, need the same kind of support?
I don't have the answers but the questions are heavy on my mind.
I share your feelings. And, while I do NOT want to come off as trite with this response, there are some things, based on my own personal experience, that I KNOW we must focus on as a society:
1. Validate those who are in pain.
2. Avoid the urge to quickly and immediately “fix” and/or eliminate others’ suffering and, instead, explore its roots with them while offering our support as they arrive at healthy solutions. This might sometimes look like setting boundaries or teaching distress tolerance or helping them learn about healthy coping skills.
I think we’ve become a knee-jerk society, focused on masking and spackling over our dysfunction and struggles. We spend too much time putting flimsy bandages on big problems, and we’re now hemorrhaging emotionally.
yes yes and yes. I agree with all that you say. Your last sentence in particular hits the center mark.
The world has gotten so big and this has affected all of us. There are benefits, yes, to knowing what's going on around the world - and there are also huge consequences as well to have so much information so quickly. It's overwhelming, even to adults.
I hope I don't offend anyone with this analogy but I can't help thinking of how we crate-train puppies. Puppies are so small and helpless and also curious. A puppy, even a newly adopted dog, really benefits from crate-training. Even when they whine. Without crate training, the house is too big. There's too much to explore on their own and it is overwhelming to be left in such a big space alone. This leads to big issues - anxiety that results in damage to the house but also anxiety in the pup that is difficult to reverse.
If done correctly, the dog will be happy to go to their crate when you leave, and they will sleep. And eventually return to their crate as a place of comfort and refuge sometimes even when you're home.
We are now living in a house that is too big. Our children are overwhelmed. We cannot monitor their contact with the outside world. Somehow, we need to shrink this contact, though. It's too much.
I have a niece who was profoundly impacted by 9/11, just by watching it on TV. (her mental health struggle can largely be linked back to this moment - and her struggle has been severe, including years of drugs, therapy, and even shock treatments)
Her parents ALWAYS have the news on. Of course, we don't want to shield our children from everything, it's important that they understand death and such, but we can limit their exposure. I can't help thinking my niece's parents should have been much more conscious of all that news every day, during every waking moment. Maybe as adults they could handle it (tho truth be told, her mother has suffered as well yet still won't turn it off), but children definitely can't. They are still tender and take everything in and then - there are no tools for processing what they hear and what they see.
Of course there are many things to consider in this epidemic of declining mental health in children. I just think we not considering the world-is-too-big theory enough.
Our parents struggled with world wars, yes, but not until Vietnam did we actually see photos and footage of the carnage. Now we see that same stuff regularly in social media, movies, and on TV. :(
Jan, thank you for this epic response. You bring up so many good points, and I hope to share them with others.
sorry for the long response!
Never too long! Are you kidding?!?