The Knowledge Vampire: How One Man In Trump's America Tried — and Failed — to Mess With Me
This subject is far less critical than the shit show in Washington, D.C., but if you look deep enough, you'll see it's all related.
Hello to all you awesome subscribers and followers!
For anyone who’s already seen the post below on my social media accounts, feel free to scroll past (or, better yet, share!). I’ve reposted it here because the comments (especially DMs) keep flooding in…so let’s keep the convo going.
For anyone who hasn’t seen it, prepare for a long-ish read (sorry-not-sorry). I really hope you find it informative and well worth your time.
Recently, a prospective client approached me via email about helping with his memoir. I moved a personal meeting to accommodate him and offered my discounted hourly rate to discuss his project (as I do for every initial meeting with prospective clients).
After our hourlong call, he seemed enthused to get going ASAP, and said he'd send me his manuscript. Before we hung up, I explained that I'd only begin reading after I finished my existing client work and only after I received
a) his signed Client Agreement and
b) his payment for my 4-hour initial retainer -- something I insist on for every client.
Nevertheless, he emailed his manuscript within the hour -- before I even had the contract and invoice written up, let alone sent out.
A couple hours after I sent the Client Agreement and invoice (which included my charge for the initial call), his response was one for the ages.
Among other things, he said he didn't want to "disrupt" my process or be "disrespectful" -- but that he wants a little "looser" start. He said he's "not really into contracts without knowing more about my sense of the commitment" (the contract literally outlines the commitment, lol) and described himself as a "handshake kinda guy." He concluded with "until we're committed emotionally, I'd prefer to remain uncommitted professionally."
Hold up. Lemme get this straight.
I'm to put other client work aside to read this guy's (nearly) 200 page manuscript without a contract or upfront payment (or at the very least, a discount off my established rate) to make him feel more... comfortable?
Really? Wow.
"I don't expect you to give your time for free," he concluded, "but I think an initial consultation until we commit is a better approach for me. Let me know what you think and if you're able to be flexible. Thank you."
I have no doubt that his story is compelling. I have no doubt he'll meet with success if he follows through with crafting and polishing the story he verbally shared with me.
But here's the thing:
I do not negotiate my worth.
I do not cut corners on integrity.
I was not born yesterday.
And I refuse to work with someone who doesn't respect my professional boundaries.
I've had to turn down and/or terminate clients in the past, but never for something so blatantly disrespectful as this.
And let me be clear about why this guy raises so many red flags:
1. He showed disregard for my established business practice, acknowledging my way of working yet asking me to bend my process to accommodate his preferences.
2. He pushed for a “looser” arrangement with no signed agreement, which only creates risk for me.
3. Resistance to Contracts
His reluctance to commit professionally without an additional conversation suggested he’s trying to keep things informal, which could lead to scope creep, delayed payments, or an eventual ghosting scenario. Professionals sign contracts all the time. He claimed to be a professional. If he won’t sign a contract now, how do I know he'd honor my terms later?
4. Request for Free Labor (Disguised as Relationship-Building)
However he tried to deny and spin and backpedal, he wanted me to first read his manuscript before committing — which meant unpaid work up front.
I mean...WHAT?????
5. He suggested another conversation (another unpaid consultation) before making a decision. This implied that only after these steps would he consider a financial commitment—essentially moving the goalposts on my initial agreement.
6. Emotional Manipulation
Phrases like "not to insult you," "I don't want to disrupt or be disrespectful," and "I'm a handshake kinda guy" created a false sense of friendliness while subtly pressuring me to be "flexible."
The phrase "until we're committed emotionally, I'd prefer to remain uncommitted professionally" is especially problematic. No offense, Pal, but this is business, not a personal relationship.
Before I replied, I considered my options.
Option 1: I can offer a polite but firm decline
"Thanks for reaching out! I completely understand wanting to feel confident before committing. That’s exactly why I have my structured process—it ensures both of us are on the same page and that my time is valued. I don’t begin work without a signed agreement and payment for the retainer. If that doesn’t align with your needs, I completely understand, and I wish you the best with your project!"
Option 2: I can reinforce boundaries with a compromise
"I appreciate your approach and completely understand wanting to make an informed decision before committing to a full collaboration. While I don’t begin full manuscript reviews without a signed agreement and retainer, I do offer a paid introductory review option. For [$X], I can read [a specific number of pages] and have a follow-up conversation about my impressions. If you’re interested in moving forward that way, let me know!"
Ultimately, I told the client we both need to feel comfortable, that I don't work without a contract OR for free, and that I wish him all the best.
This crackerjack did more than test my boundaries. He reminded me how valuable my time is, and that I should never devalue myself to accommodate someone unwilling to respect my terms (especially when I already offered him a discount).
I was tempted to throw in a petty line about how, just yesterday, I
a) celebrated 5 years as a business owner
b) received my first paycheck as a writing instructor at Northwestern University, and
c) was invited by NU to teach a 6-week course on publishing.
Instead, I sent my reply and then wrote this out for anyone dealing with similar crackerjacks. I hope this helps someone.
Is there a term for this guy? Maybe. Maybe not.
But in my book, I can think of a few, including:
1) Boundary Pusher (someone who acknowledges the rules but tries to negotiate around them to serve their own interests)
2) Handshake Guy/Red Flag Edition (the “I prefer handshakes over contracts” type often wants flexibility only for themselves, which can lead to unpaid work and scope creep)
3) Charismatic Negotiator (using charm and emotional appeal to get better terms while subtly making you feel like you’re the rigid one)
4) Hustler (some high-profile figures assume their status is enough to get others to bend the rules)
5) Scope Creeper (he’s already pushing for extra work -- reading the manuscript, another call -- before committing, and that's classic behavior of someone who might continuously ask for “just one more thing"), and
6) Charm Offensive Client (he’s not outright demanding but uses affability and vague enthusiasm to push boundaries while avoiding clear commitment).
Lesson learned. Damn, it felt good to write that. Thanks for listening.
And now, I'm off to catch up on my beloved, regularly-scheduled clients' projects.
Update #1
He replied to my email. Said he’s not going to pay for the hour I spent with him — in which I listened to his story, explained my process, and offered some feedback and direction.
Though I’d made my consultation rate clear before the call and sent an invoice in advance, he refuses to pay.
He said I should have stopped HIM from talking so much (???), and that he invested as much in the call as I did (??????). Therefore, he said, he wouldn’t be paying me for my time.
I’m sorry…WHAAAAAA? Bwahahaha!!!
Bullet dodged. Good riddance, you twisted, narcissistic knowledge vampire.
Update #2
I thanked him for his email and mentioned I’d be contacting the attorneys at The Author’s Guild if he didn’t pay by midnight.
Update #3
This morning he replied that he hadn’t read my email before we met [it outlined my pricing]. He wrote:
“I didn’t read your email thoroughly because it didn’t matter enough to me and frankly it wouldn't matter. All I was doing was reaching out to see what you do and if you were worth my time. [well, he seemed to think so! He sent me a 200 page manuscript about his life!]. I’m about connecting with people and that was most important given that this is about something so personal and valuable to me. I was looking for a connection to someone, but clearly that’s not what you want. I’ll gladly pay your $150, but would have paid you 50 times more than that for the right collaboration. Don’t sell yourself so cheap. If you couldn’t tell from my last email, I’m pissed that I wasted my time talking to you today.”
Hahahahahhahahahha!!
Let’s see if he actually pays.
Update #4
I reached out to the attorneys at The Authors Guild, and eagerly await their response.
Your Turn
Have you ever dealt with someone like this? What happened? I’d love to hear how you handled things…and I’m CERTAIN that others will appreciate it, too.
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Christine Wolf is a memoir coach and founder of Writers’ Haven, a co-working space for writers. A former board member of the Chicago chapter of the Society of Professional Journalists, Wolf’s writing has been awarded for excellence by the Chicago Tribune, the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and The Moth. Wolf is a writing instructor at Northwestern University and runs Write to Heal Workshops and Retreats. A former freelance columnist with the Chicago Sun-Times and Chicago Tribune, she’s the co-author of Politics, Partnerships, & Power: The Lives of Ralph E. and Marguerite Stitt Church. Get in touch with Christine at www.christinewolf.com/contact.
You don't need him! Well handled.
Love this article. You handled this so well. Exactly what I would have done.